Gorillafish

Food is smarter than you

2006-01-23T18:23:00.000-04:00

As our faithful readers may have noticed by now there has been a lull in our updates. As such I am writing this quickly to mention the glory that is Bulk Barn. Until bulk barn Costco was my main bulk shopping experience, and that is great and all because yes I would like a 75lbs bucket of Swedish berries. But there was something missing (or at least something I was not aware of), and that something is a giant bin of fortune cookies.

Truly this store was sent to us from the great Flying Spaghetti Monster, they let me buy 2lbs of fortune cookies! So tasty and wise.

Nerd Valhalla

2005-05-12T01:05:00.000-03:00

I am not the kind of person who generally feels the need to hide the fact that I am a geek or nerd; basically the only thing holding those particular traits in check and preventing them from becoming the equivalent of some sort of perpetual motion machine is the constantly discouraging balance of my bank account. Too often it seems like the lack of tens of thousands of dollars has prevented me from making many an uber impulse buy.

Basically what I am getting at here is that if I were to ever acquire the needed disposable cash it would be very disappointing if I were never to attempt a project like this home theatre.

Impressive... Most impressive

This is old, but it seems relevant in the sense that Episode III is just around the corner, and that I'm tired of having a small TV and wish to have my own theatre for movie watching needs... and a chair with a cup holder... hmmm, perhaps there is a cheap do-it-yourself idea for later.

I dare not fathom how much that cost. It would most likely involve the implosion of the hippocampus in my brain, but then again I've never taken biology so I could be mistaken on exactly which section of the brain would implode, feel free to offer any educated or BS corrections to my claim.

Speaking of things that are awaiting around the corner, this year's E3 should be a great event, bring on the fanboys and new system wars. Most importantly bring on some videos of the technology and graphics of the next-gen games. I'm sure some impressions will be posted here once information starts rolling in from the actual event.

Papal Bulla-Crappa

2005-04-20T07:28:00.000-03:00

So it turns out my pick for new Pope lost out. It figures as much, the Catholic Church has never really supported fictional giant alien transforming robots marooned on earth. I was also rooting for Prime to win the US Presidential election, Super bowl MVP, and any number of hotdog eating contests. If we ever want to progress towards the future we will need to give Optimus Prime more responsibility and power.

My 20 top video games... ever! Or close to it.

2005-04-18T01:36:00.000-03:00

Jeff took his crack at this so here is my take. Making a list like this is a lot harder then you might think, I had to make some really tough cuts here. Once again this is not a list of "Teh B3sT GAmeZ EvAR 1!!!11!11!!", more just ones that I fondly remember. The list really needs to be longer, and giving them a numerical order was rough. I cheated on a couple by including multiple games in a series, but dammit there was no other choice!

20) Escape Velocity (Mac)

As a Mac user there were few games that I could rub in the collective faces of my PC using friends knowing that they didnt have it, this was one of the best and most addictive. It, or one of its sequels, eventually mad it to the PC market, but that just makes this great game available to more people. This game let me attack a planet, face its defensive forces in space combat, and use a heat seeking forklift as a weapon of mass destruction to defeat them. The Star Wars conversion was also key.

19) Super Dodge Ball (NES)

When you really crush someone they die and their spirit floats away. The special power throws are pretty amusing, but most of all there is no way to not have fun with this game. The characters are pretty much ripped out of River City Ransom.

18) Desert, Urban, and Jungle Strike (SNES)

I couldn’t decide which was best, but few things are more entertaining then being a one helicopter destruction machine.

17) Flashback (Mac/SNES)

This game and Out of this World were similar, at least in my mind. I just remember thinking WOW the first time I saw each.

16) Ninja Gaiden (NES)

Back in the good ol' NES days there was a rule of thumb: ninjas are badass so games with ninjas are badass.

15) Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (Xbox)

I did not play any of the other games in this series, but as soon as I saw the previews for xbox I started to salivate. This was a lot of game. Finally a game that let me become the ultimate thief of spoons, no village would be left with the proper soup eating utensil. I didnt actually finish the story, but what I did was good enough. I liked that you could literally just get lost in the world.

14) Spider-Man (PS1)

Spider-Man is my preferred comic super hero and Ive played every game made in his likeness that I could get my grubby hands on. Most were terrible but I didnt care. This one actually captured the spirit of the comic. Neversoft did a great job, hopefully one of the new games will get the character right again.

13) F/A 18 Hornet Korea (Mac)

Flight sims = good, combat flight sims = amazatron. I was a bit obsessed with military aviation when I was younger and next to the Spitfire I would have to say the F/A 18 Hornet was one of my favourites.I played the hell out of the first game in the series and Korea just did everything better, looks, sound, multiplayer, control. Then there were the times Id ignore the mission objectives and wreak havoc on local airlines and cities...

Fun game.

12) WWF No Mercy (N64)

This could have been any AKI wrestling game. No developer since has been able to recapture or top the perfection of these games. You actually felt in control of what was going on, the matches were half hour epics, and its one of the best party games ever created.

11) TMNT IV: Turtles in Time (SNES)

This had to be done. Some of the best multiplayer available onthe SNES. Everyone Loved the Ninja Turtles back then. Throwing foot soldiers at the TV screen never got old.

10) Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

Great graphics, fun gameplay, and funky music. Did I mention that you can make a gorilla ride an ostrich?

9) Super Mario RPG (SNES)

So this is what nerd dreams look like. RPG and Mario, count me in...and Bowser joins your party...bonus! New things with Mario but it worked perfectly.

8) Tony Hawks Pro Skater 2 (PS1)

This game is digital crack. It reminds me of old school gaming because the only drive you really needed was to beat your highest score, pull off the biggest combo, etc. Bonus points for Spider-Man being an unlockable character.

7) Halo 1 and 2 (Xbox)

Good god I love these games, die hard fan of Bungie since their early Mac days. From the moment they showed the first fotage at MacWorld '99 I was hooked. A series of events after that led me to thinking the xbox could actually be good and buying it on day one. There are so many great things about Halo, personally I'm partial to the sticky granade. I remember many a LAN party with the origional, and then at University the ability to basically destroy any combination of challangers at my dorm. Good times. Really need to play online more this summer.

6) Zelda: The Ocarina of Time (N64)

This game stayed faithful to the spirit of the franchise in its move to 3D. So good it makes your brain explode!

5) Super Mario World (SNES)

I had to pick at least one of the Mario games and this happens to be the one I was best at. The cape was badass. Another classic Nintendo game.

4) Dragon's Lair (Sega CD/DVD)

This game was a pioneer in many respects as an interactive movie using high quality studio animation and the branching technology enabled by the Laserdisc format. The game looked amazing thanks to the animation of Don Bluth and company. It may be simple but its pretty damn addictive.

3) Myth: The Fallen Lords and Myth II: Soulblighter (Mac)

Taking the RTS to great new places Bungie created two masterpieces. The strategy was emphasized instead of resource management and building as many troops as fast as possible. This felt like real battle, the 3D landscape and camera really added to the gameplay. The plugin support and online community was as good as it gets. Using dwarfs to blow up a swarm of the undead into a bloody mess of limbs is one of the most satisfying things in gaming.

2) Zelda: A Link to The Past (SNES)

A very close second place, before all the fancy 3D and cell shading this was Zelda in its purest form. The game is genius. TOoT may have been an exceptional game, but Link to the Past is still the definitive Zelda game.

1) Chrono Trigger (SNES)

This game is simply beautiful. The characters are great, the gameplay fantastic, the music can compete for best ever in a video game. If you have never played this game you are missing out on something truly special. Gaming bliss.

My 20 top video games... ever!

2005-04-13T15:40:00.000-03:00

Inspired by the guys at progressiveboink I have decided to list my top 20 video games of all time. I have included the title of the game, what system I played it on and a quick quip about how great it is. I would have loved to go into more detail about the games but papers call me. This is not a list of the best games ever, it is a list of the ones that meant the most to me.
So, here goes.

20. Donkey Kong Country (SNES)

What a game! I remember getting the preview VHS tape for this game in the mail. My mind was boggled by the concept of 16 whole bits of Donkey Kong! From jumping on the heads of squawking birds, to throwing barrels, to riding ostriches this game had it all.

19. Madden 2005 (PS2)

The control over the defense is great and the game feels so smooth all over. Plus I won my first Madden 2005 Super Bowl (All-Madden) in the most glorious fashion ever. Playing as the Steeler, Roethlisberger goes down on the first drive and in comes backup quarterback Doug Flutie. The struggles of the wild card Steelers seem to have been for naught when Flutie's first pass is returned for a touchdown. Flutie recovers and, with some help from some heavy defence, brings the team back for the overtime win. Flutie is the Super Bowl MVP. I am weepy just thinking of it. Moving on...

18. Duke Nukem 3D (PC)

The game took a quote from John Carpenter's classic "The Thing". "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of gum." Plus there were strippers with pixelated boobies.

17. Tekken 2 (Playstation)

Just some great fighting action. I kicked a lot of ass and took a lot of names. No bubblegum though.

16. Arch Rivals (NES)

The grandfather of NBA Jam. This game took the simple premise of playing basketball with no rules and made it fun. And look at the graphics!

15. RBI Baseball III (NES)

Ah, back in the day. When men were men, fielders all moved in the same direction at the same time at the same speed and when there were all-star pitchers (Fernando Valenzuela) whose names couldn't fit in the game.

14. Bust-A-Move (Arcade)

Dinosaurs! Bubbles! Hooray! Seriously though, I have never had such epic battles at an arcade machine before or since. And with such a random game.

13. Dusty Diamond's All-Star Softball

Ah, Dusty Diamond's. You could choose your softball team in the classic playground method of "I pick, you pick". You got to select between Artie who used a pick-axe instead of a bat, Diablo who used a demonic mace, Zelda who used her flying broom, and a seemingly inordinate number of people with differently coloured mohawks. So sweet! One question though, why is the devil a right handed hitter? Everyone knows that the anti-Christ must be a lefty... Darren!

12. Ice Hockey (NES)

3 on 3 hockey (plus goalies). You select a player at each position who is distinguished by being little, medium, or fat. And Team Canada had green-yellow jerseys. Awesome.

11. Wolfenstein 3D (PC)

Nazis are the best villains ever. Nobody feels bad about killing Nazis!

10. Final Fantasy VII (Playstation)

Great story, great characters, mind blowing (for the time) graphics. Wow. Sephiroth is a badsass.

9. Goldeneye (N64)

So many hours spent trying to kill my buddies. Really the only console FPS that I have really, really loved. Halo is fun but doesn't nearly stack up in my books.

8. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball (SNES)

Striking out players in this game was amazing. Yelling, broken bats, etc. made the old-fashioned K so much more satisfying. Plus the home-run animations were ever so sweet.

7. Street Fighter 2 Turbo (SNES)

OK. Ryu is way better than Ken. Just had to get that out of the way. I mean, Ken was a douche and we know his last name. Ken Masters? How lame is that? What about Ryu? Is Ryu his first or last name? Does nobody know his last name? Was he named by a Brazillian so he only has one name? Questions that keep me up at night.

6. Mike Tyson's Punch Out (NES)

Look how little Mac is! Little Mac, that is. Not big Mike. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson is big. Little Mac is small. Mike Tyson, big. Crazy game.

5. WCW vs. NWO Revenge (N64)

This was one of the most fun games ever to play with a bunch of people. Case in point my surprising, shocking run in the first ever Revenge Grand Tournament.

4. Half-Life/Counterstrike/Day of Defeat (PC)

Half-life was an unbelievable single player game with some even more mind-blowing mods. Half-life 2 would almost certainly top this list if such mods were released for it but until that time the original rules supreme.

3. Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt (NES)

I know they are on two different games but they came on the same cartridge and it is my list damnit. I love everything about these games except for the stupid laughing dog. Stupid dog.

2. Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)

The music in this game sticks in your head. I really can't imagine much better than this fine title. I have played this game over and over again so many times that I could do it in my sleep and I still love it. What a fantastic game. Nothing can beat this one... except...

1. System Shock 2 (PC)

SHODAN made a triumphant return and this game revolutionized the FPS/RPG genre. Spooky atmosphere, great level design, wonderful story, fantastic character development. This game had it all. I cannot say enough good things about System Shock. Holy crap I loved this game.

Broken Arrow

2005-04-09T15:04:00.000-03:00

How is Broken Arrow not more of an all-time classic movie? We are talking about a flick that has everything you could ask for. John Travolta plays one of the great villain roles of his life ("I said God damn, what a rush!"), there is a cute girl who had done nothing but Princess Daisy before (Samantha Mathis) and tons of John Woo signature explosions.

Travolta even has the line of the year with, as he sets the nuke, "F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke."

The only problem with the movie is Christian Slater as the hero. Who can take him seriously after playing Will Scarlett? Was Keanu Reeves busy? Wasn't this the roll he was born to play?
Speed had been out a couple years ago and Keanu decided to do Chain Reaction and Feeling Minnesota that year? Why was Broken Arrow not at the top of his list? This is the sort of thing that makes me really angry.

Regardless, Samantha Mathis is hot, Travolta is awesome, and a lot of crap blows up. Quality in my books.

The (Pope) Thong Song (by Sisqo)

2005-04-09T14:50:00.000-03:00

Celebrate the life of Pope John-Paul II by buying the PJPII comemmorative thong. Guaranteed to bring a smile to the face of any Catholic lady, this thong may or may not be fabricated from cotton (details are lacking). What is not lacking is the awesome! So RUN, don't walk, to check out the eBay auction and get your (or your special lady's) crotch the Pope memoribellia it so richly deserves.

Go Leafs Go

2005-04-09T14:40:00.000-03:00

Here is a photo from the New York Times website taken from the Pope's death coverage:

I miss the Leafs so much. I have wanted to say "Go Leafs Go" all winter and now I have my chance.

Thanks to Christie. Definitely stole this from her.

More P. Diddy news

2005-04-08T18:44:00.000-03:00

Since I post everything I can about Puffy, here goes: Shawn "P. Diddy" Combs has been ordered to pay $21,782 per month in child support to the mother of his 11 year old son.

Being the son of divorced parents myself, I see the importance of child support. I don't, however, see how the child will really need more than $250,000 per year. A parent is required to support a child, not to spoil them beyond all belief. If puffy lived with the kid and didn't spend more on his son than most professionals earn in a year nobody would cry foul. Puffy should be paying for the kid to live very comfortably but the little extras (like P. Diddy brand wheels for the kid's bike) should be a matter between father and son.

Mo Rivera blown save count: 2

2005-04-06T21:17:00.000-03:00

There goes another one. This time we even won the game. 5 runs in the 9th? Awesome. The Sox are so in his head. Whose your daddy? Clap, clap, clapclapclap.

I'd also like to point out the wonderful performance of Choke-Rod. Way to make the play, Droppy McDropnuts.

Blown saves by Mariano Rivera against the Sox this year: 1 and counting

2005-04-06T01:59:00.000-03:00

So we lost the game. Big deal. We are back in Mo's head. Nice start.

The World Champion Boston Red Sox

2005-03-30T14:10:00.000-04:00

I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that the Boston Red Sox are the World Champions of Baseball and point out the gorgeous jersey they will be wearing at their home opener against the New York Yankees. This uniform will only be worn once and features a "World Series Champions" patch and a gold outline on the player numbers and the team name.

I am going to order mine today.

Canseco gets Surreal

2005-03-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

Baseball star, juicer, felon, and general all-round idiot Jose Canseco is set to star in the fifth season of the Surreal Life.

This fulfills a wonderful desire of mine and of one of my favourite writers Bill Simmons. Bill (the Boston Sports Guy) wrote in a mailbag earlier this month, "One other note on Canseco: I thought he made up most of this stuff to sell the book; but after watching him on Bill Maher's show last week, I realized that Canseco isn't smart enough to think two moves ahead in a game of Connect Four, much less come up with a master plan to bring down baseball and make some cash in the process. All things considered, he could be the most memorably dumb athlete in sports history. He's just devious enough to be dangerous, but his stupidity makes it impossible for him not to consistently say and do the wrong things, only he has no idea that he's such a moron. Or maybe he does. It's almost like he's had some sort of head injury. Honestly, I'm fascinated by him. The fact that nobody has given him a reality show yet actually makes me angry – he's like a cross between Jessica Simpson, Carlo Rizzi and Tito Santana."

Bill is clearly on the right track here and I applaud the creators of the program for getting another brilliantly memorable cast member to sign on for the show.

Canseco has clearly made a lot of money from his recent book but he seems to be forecasting a return to his former broke and washed up self before the season starts. Congrats, Jose!

Custom rims or DIE!

2005-03-27T14:17:00.000-04:00

P. Diddy, thean who, through his vote or die campaign, recently seemed to threaten the youth of America with death if they failed to cast their ballots, is entering into a new business venture. Not content with offering overpriced and derivative music, overpriced and derivative clothing, and overhyped celebrity shenanigans, Puffy is getting into the custom wheels business and offering a line of Sean John custom wheels.
The wheels are, obviously, aimed at the urban market and seem an excellent way for Latrell Sprewell to avoid feeding his family for another day or two.
Next time you feel the need to be riding on chrome twenty-fo's, look in the direction of the Bad Boy.

Source: Yahoo! News

2005-03-22T14:08:00.000-04:00

The Toronto Maple Leafs AHL affiliate, which is moving to Toronto next year, will be called the Toronto Marlies. This is in tribute to the Leafs' original farm club (named after the Duke of Marlborough) who served that function for 78 years.
I miss hockey.

Affleck and Willis

2005-03-22T14:00:00.000-04:00

The word on the street is the Affleck is set to join Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4. Affleck would play John McLane's son and would surely increase the awesome of the film. Just because Armageddon sucked doesn't mean that this won't be awesome! Let's just hope that Affleck manages to sneak the Sox in somewhere.

The Baldwins

2005-03-21T18:38:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing that we know is that the only thing that sucks about being a Baldwin is... nothing!

Essentially all of the Baldwins are awesome but I have taken it upon myself to rank them. I will be using a highly unscientific points based scheme based entirely upon my whims that will determine the ultimate Baldwin.

With film credits please note that I only count films I have seen or know of. Roles resulting in a score of 0 are also ignored:

Alec Baldwin:
Beetlejuice: 15 points (One hell of a way for Alec to blow open a career.)
The Hunt for Red October: 10 points (Would be higher but Connery will steal every show)
Glengarry Glen Ross: 7 points (Superior to Wall Street despite lack of Sheens but also carried by people with superior awesome to Alec)
Mercury Rising: -5 points (Bruce Willis and the autistic kid made this movie awesome but Baldwin brought it down a notch.)
Notting Hill (uncredited): -20 points (Just for being associated with this abomination)
Clerks: The Series (voice): 10 points (10 for being associated with Kevin Smith, 5 for voicing a character with the the same name as his surname and given name, -5 for replacing Alan Rickman)
Pearl Harbour: -17 points (Just being associated with this is an abomination. And I love Affleck.)
The Royal Tenenbaums (narrator): 27.5 points (Perhaps the best narrated fiction film ever. The 2001 World Series DVD is the best narrated documentary of all time.)
The Cat in the Hat: -10 points (It would be more, but who could say no to a Suess movie?)
Saturday Night Live: 30 points (So many brilliant skits)
Was married to Kim Basinger: 30 points (So hot)
Named his daughter "Ireland": 5 points (That is kinda hot, too bad she is only 10)
Actually knows how to drive a submarine: 20 points (I want to drive a submarine)
Was a strong Bill Clinton fan: 5 points (Slick Willy rules)
Told Steven to not do Bio Dome: 5 points (Smart guy)
Is a vegetarian: -20 points

Daniel Baldwin:
John Carpenter's Vampires: 36 points (After swearing at a man, threatening to kill him, and stealing his Caddy, Daniel's character says "Much obliged, partner")
Overdosed on drugs: -15 points (His new son was less than 2)
Lives with Isabella Hofmann: -20 points (Ugh)
Only Baldwin to have not recieved a Razzie nomination: 0 points (10 for not getting a Razzie, -10 for never having been in Virus)

Stephen Baldwin:
Usual Suspects: 40 points (The best thing any single Baldwin has ever done)
Slap Shot 2: -17 points (What an atrocious movie)
Not listening to his brother about Bio Dome: -10 points
Turned down Keanu's roll in Speed: -12 points (Pop quiz, hotshot. You could have been in a movie where you jumped a bus over a gaping chasm in an unfinished bridge and turned it down. Are you handicapped?)
Supports George W. Bush because they are both born again Christians: -30 points (Being anti-gay and anti-choice is not cool)

Billy Baldwin:
Backdraft: 6 points (1 point for co-starring with Kurt Russel, 2 for Robert DeNiro, and 3 for Donald Sutherland)
Sliver: 33 points (11 for each nude sex scene with Sharon Stone. Lucky bastard.)
Virus: 7 points (An electronic alien lifeform takes over a research vessel, and plans to wipe out humanity. Brilliant!)
Double Bang: 3 points (20 for being in one of the best named films ever, -17 because it sucked. And not in a good way.)
Named his son "Vance": 3 points
Member of the Amateur Wrestling Hall of Fame: 5 points

Final Scores:
Alec Baldwin: 92.5
Billy Baldwin: 57
Daniel Baldwin: 1
Stephen Baldwin: -29

Alec Baldwin wins with an impressive score of 92.5 but Billy is the only one who has done nothing that counted for overall negative points. Stephen is the big loser. What an ass. How did Stephen have the single most awesome Baldwin role but get a negative score?

Alec is the champion and will face off in a contest with an opponent to be named later. Suggestions for the opponent are welcome.

Note: I missed a couple important things. This has been fixed. Thanks to D-Scan.

Scott Bakula……AWAY!

2005-03-17T17:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes TV gives you a valid reason to wade through the near limitless plateaus of excrement that make up the bulk of programming. One such Knight-errant of television that shines vibrantly with majesty from this abysmal abyss is Quantum Leap. My words will likely fail to depict the true awe-inspiring greatness of this show, but these words are all I can give without actually coming to your house and forcing you to watch the first two seasons on DVD in a non-stop Leap marathon that could only end with fatal aneurisms caused by the attempt to absorb so much awesomeness in such a condensed amount of time.

With that out of the way let’s take a look at the DVD release of Quantum Leap Season One. The first season started the series off well, though shorter than subsequent seasons it gave viewers a glimpse of the great potential of Quantum Leap. Serious and controversial social issues could be tackled, and you always knew that no matter how big or small the issue faced in any particular episode you had the strength of the two lead characters Sam and Al to fall back on. Without the chemistry between Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell this show would have lost a major part of its edge. In a show where they were the only constants and the setting as well as the rest of the cast were new each week their versatility was paramount.

My favorite feature of this DVD set is that Scott Bakula does a short video introduction before each episode, something that is missed from the second season, but is an understandable cut as there are also many more episodes to fit on the discs. These introductions are really interesting for seeing little bits of the history behind the episodes and show in general. You can see that Quantum Leap was a true labor of love.

Best jackets ever…

Ok, so maybe you are getting tired of hearing me gush about this show so it’s time to do a quick breakdown. The packaging gets bonus points for being very shiny and functional; it also features Backula being a badass on the cover with a very dramatic walk. There are three discs that pretty much all look like the same cool blue anomaly except with different numbers. There are nine episodes total, episode insights and a documentary about the history of the show all of which are great if you are a fan. The menus are pretty good, not overly fancy but each episode has a brief text synopsis that can be useful.

The video quality is pretty good for a 1989 TV series, sound is only stereo but good. Last but not least Quantum Leap has one of the greatest theme songs in television history.

Won't somebody save 50?

2005-03-16T14:57:00.000-04:00

I know you have all been asking yourselves: "Who will step up and save 50 Cent from his heathen existence?"

Well, my friends, you have an answer. Ex-Korn guitarist and born again Christian Brian "Head" Welch has penned a song especially for our good freind Fiddy. Welch plans to give the song to 50 and see his response. If 50 becomes a good, God fearing Christian Head won't release the song. If 50 continues his sinnin', pimpin' ways Head will unleash his song on the world and we will all be saddened by the fact that 50 does not love Jesus! Or something like that...

You can read all about Head's new life at his brilliantly named website www.headtochrist.com. On his site Head promises that he will only sell his new album via the site so that he can get all the money from it. He states that this will allow him to "give [the money] back to my people by building something positive, like a skatepark or something." I couldn't make this up folks.

Anyways, here's to hoping that 50 tells Head "Who is the one with the diamond-encrusted platinum cross? If you ain't blingin' for Christ your love ain't there" or words to that effect.

Sweet merciful God, please stop this abomination

2005-03-16T12:20:00.000-04:00

The team from which many NHL abominations has come, the Buffalo Sabres, are having their AHL affiliate in Rochester test out a change to their rink: blue ice.

The colour of the proposed ice has been described as "electric powder blue" and is being considered as a permanent fixture in Buffalo whenever the NHL resumes play. Under the proposal the blue lines and faceoff circles will be flourescent orange and the centre line will be a darker blue.

Damn these arrogant American assholes. What makes them think that they can just up and change the colour of the ice surface? Leave our pasttime the hell alone. You don't see the Blue Jays choosing for their new turf to be pink. Please do not allow this abomination to happen to our game.

I'm sorry, I don't have words to describe how angry I am about this. The blue line derives its name because it is blue. Not God damn fluorescent orange.

Source: ESPN

Reuters says firstborn children are smarter

2005-03-15T18:31:00.000-04:00

Findings that will be published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics, a Harvard publication, say that, according to a study in Norway, say that first born children are more likely to further their education and to earn higher wages later in life. This is, supposedly, because of developmental and physical reasons. Additionally the act of teaching younger siblings aids the development of children.

As a firstborn, who am I to argue?

Source: Reuters/Yahoo!

That time of year

2005-03-15T18:22:00.000-04:00

Well, it is that time of year again folks. NCAA tournament time. March Madness. Time for everyone around the continent to pick their brackets. I am going to let you guys in on my picks. If you want to use them for your own pool, go ahead. I spent a lot of time on making these picks and they might as well get some mileage. Plus now there is a record of what I chose available to everyone, so if I get it right I can brag.

Picking an entire 64 team tournament is the toughest thing to do in fantasy sports, so here is my shot. Remember folks, this is for entertainment purposes only because I certainly don't support gambling! (Right?) Click here for the bracket.

Queer Eye for the Red Sox Guy

2005-03-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

That wacky bunch from Queer Eye are set to visit City of Palms Park to make over six members of the World Champion Boston Red Sox. Johnny Damon (pictured above), Kevin Millar, Jason Varitek, Bill Mueller, Doug Mirabelli, and Tim Wakefield will all recieve makeovers from the queer eye folks and the Sox dressing room will also undergo changes.

I am really curious about what will happen to Johnny Damon, in particular...

A Career in Jeopardy

2005-03-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

Peter Forsberg, longtime superstar for the Quebec Nordiques/Colorado Avalanche, suffered a concussion last night while playing for team MoDo in Sweeden. Forsberg was cross-checked early in the game by Farjestad's Peter Nordstrom and was helped off the ice. This marks another in a long string of injuries for the superstar and his father, and MoDo coach, Kent Forsberg has said that he thinks this concussion will be enough to force Forsberg to retire.

Forsberg was one of the most talented NHL players of the last ten year. He won the Calder trophy as rookie of the year in the 1994-1995 season, led the league in scoring and won the Hart Memorial Trophy as the league MVP in the 2002-2003 season in addition to being one of the top defensive forwards in the game. Forsberg has been a five time all-star and a two time first-team all-star. His otherwise brilliant career has only been marred by a string of injuries that included numerous concussions and a ruptured spleen. I hope that he is able to make a recovery and that his unique skills will be available for display by the time the NHL is ready to resume. My prayers go out to Peter, his teammates, and his family after this unfortunate incident.

Source: ESPN

I suggest we raise shields

2005-03-10T17:57:00.000-04:00

Dozens of voices the world round rose up all at once screaming “KHAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn!” and then there was silence.

So we know that UPN finally got around to canceling Enterprise, and in usual TV fashion it happened just as the show was hitting stride and turning out quality product. Ok, there is no question that the theme song was an abomination that should not have ever made it’s way to our aural receptors, but there are things to miss as well.

First of all this cancellation means that television will be sorely lacking Bakula. I waited good and long for that man amongst men to get another TV show after the brilliance that was Quantum Leap bid farewell to the airwaves so this is a bit of an annoyance. I can only hope that in some way Bakula will return to something Quantum Leap be it on the big screen or small, which would be right up there with the Leafs winning the cup on my wish list.

A fairly sizeable protest effort has been started in an attempt by fans to get one more season of their beloved show. The folks over at SaveEnterprise.com have been raising money to throw at UPN to try to get them to deliver a fifth season. They have collected around $ 3,109,134.62, in large part thanks to a massive three million dollar pledge by members of the commercial space flight industry.

Trek Fans may still have something to look forward to, the eleventh Star Trek movie is in being written by Erik Jendresen who has also written episodes of “Band of Brothers.” The movie would feature an all new cast and take place 100 years before the time of Kirk. The movie would also be grittier than what fans are used to. It could work, but then again it could very well blow massive chunks……..needs more Bakula, Shatner, and Stewart.

What could be...

2005-03-09T15:07:00.000-04:00

Recent rumors have New Line going after none other than Quentin Tarantino to write and direct what is being referred to as the Ultimate Friday the 13th movie.

I will give you a second to scoop up your brains which have no doubt exploded out of the back of your head onto the nearest wall.

I can only hope that this pans out and becomes a reality, we really need to start putting more quality into the current lackluster horror genre.

Source: IGN FilmForce

Al-Qaida didn't like Gladiator either

2005-03-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

An Australian magazine reports that Russell Crowe was the target of an Osama Bin Laden kidnapping plot. According to Crowe he was informed by the FBI that he was targeted as a part of a scheme to take "iconographic Americans out of the picture as sort of a cultural destabilization plot." Other sources suspect that Crowe merely did not wish to admit that Bin Laden was able to see through the fact that Gladiator was not as great as everyone seemed to think.

Eventually, fortunately for iconic thespians everywhere, Bin Laden was unable to apprehend his kidnapping targets and was forced to settle for the destruction of the World Trade Center and an attack on the Pentagon.

Source: Yahoo! News (With goofier Crowe photograph)

WB to (Bow) Wow audiences with new pilot

2005-03-08T14:44:00.000-04:00

Reuters is reporting that the WB television network is giving the thumbs up to a sit-com pilot staring the Bow Wow formerly known as Little.

Clearly this is setting up for the biggest train wreck in sit-coms since the brutality of "Bette", Bette Midler's ill-fated kick at that can. Bette, however, missed the can and the show kicked the bucket.

I can't imagine any quality emerging from a program staring Bow Wow but the potential for (unintentional) comedy are boundless. Particularly I would enjoy seeing a reality show that focuses on the lives of the people who decided this was a good idea. An even better plan would be to have a camera rolling as writers attempt to craft future episodes of this abomination. My imagination conjures up images of writers seriously discussing the possibility of having Bow Wow's character (Bow Wow) making a trip to Japan where he would be an outrageously hilarious fish out of water.

Sin City

2005-03-08T08:44:00.000-04:00

A new Sin City trailer is available for download here. I cannot express in words how excited I am to see this. I won't even talk more about it, just watch the trailer.

Pure West

2005-03-07T14:31:00.000-04:00

These immortal lines shall forever echo through my mind due to their unquestionable artistic brilliance: “Fetch me the Bat Anti-Shark Repellant Spray, Robin - hurry!”

This is Batman at its finest….well maybe not, but it thoroughly trounces George Clooney’s go at it. Adam West and Burt Ward were inspired as the dynamic duo. I may be too young to have been around when the original TV series first aired, but the reruns were one of the highlights of my youth. This is camp at its best, perhaps it even helped cultivate my love of campy movies that led to my love of the ever brilliant Evil Dead series and many other so bad they’re great movies.

This version of Batman’s world is basically the polar opposite of Tim Burton’s dark and grimy Gotham. Everything has a label with the prefix “Bat”, hard hits are emphasized with brass horns and a “Zap”, “Pow”, or an equally clever word, and nothing – absolutely noting – is more seductive than the Batdance, unless it’s one of the various Catwomen. I mean for the love of god they changed into their costumes by opening a secret door with a switch in a William Shakespeare bust and sliding down fire poles to the Batcave! There are few things cooler than that, unless you count being able to buy one of those functioning statues for yourself.

In a movie where the members of the United Nations get dehydrated into small piles of granular powder you know it is well worth what ever price it takes to own. Lets not forget that Batman: The Movie is also host to at least two of the most brilliant bomb scenes in the history of cinema. There is no excuse, go get this movie now, and if you already have it force everyone you know to watch it.

Red Sox-Yankees

2005-03-07T11:26:00.000-04:00

vs.

So what if it is only March and the pitching matchup is Abe Alvarez vs. Chien-Ming Wang? Get ready for Red Sox agains the Yankees for the first time since the greatest choke job ever.

Jason Giambi, Bernie Williams, Hideki Matsui, and Tony Womack will all be on hand to hear the fans chant "YEAR TWO-THOUSAND *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* while other stars are playing a split-squad game against the Indians and Damon, Ramirez and 'Tek are expected to sit the game out for the Sox.

Red Sox pitcher Abe Alvarez is legally blind in his left eye and wears his hat turned to the side in an attempt to balance out the amount of light he sees in each eye, not as some jackass fashion statement.

Other notes: Jim Caple released his book The Devil Wears Pinstripes on March 1 and an amusing excerpt can be found on ESPN Page 2

Also slick-fielding Red Sox prospect shortstop Hanley Ramirez was the catalyst for a triple play this week. Not a bad way to get your first taste of the majors.

Get ready for the World Champion Boston Red Sox against the New York Yankees tonight at 7:30 eastern (8:30 atlantic).

The Final Countdown

2005-03-07T01:04:00.000-04:00

As I am sure we are all well aware The Contender is making its debut this Monday. The show will follow 16 pro boxers as they train to follow their dreams of becoming a champion. The show sounds moderately interesting, but when you factor in that these boxers will be training under the supervision of boxing great Sugar Ray Leonard and none other than the Italian Stallion himself, Sylvester Stallone, you get TV magic. If watching this show in any way, shape, or form will help Rocky VI end up as something more tangible than internet rumors and late night sugar induced dreams, I’m in.

Gorillafish

2005-03-06T23:26:00.000-04:00

Zeegs on the left, Jeff on the right.

Welcome to Gorillafish.
We are two university students who are more devoted to pop-culture than to school.
Unto that end, we seek to educate and amuse you about whatever we feel is important.
We hope you enjoy the ride.